Ok, Cupid!

i've been feeling sorta bummed about my lack of fame lately. but then i got an obviously clairvoyant email telling me that greater happiness was just around the corner:

i'm so excited! i'm going to be so much happier! AND meet new awesome people*:

i thought things couldn't get better, but then i got this super personal email:

i can meet cool men AND asian beauties? my happiness scale is about to get higher than okcupid could ever imagine. 

we did it?!

*given the facts outlined in these emails, i'm sure cabana man will understand....

Mystery Post

bonus post! i need help figuring out how to categorize this one....

today, i really had to pee, but i was SO TIRED that when i went to sit down, i panicked and couldn't figure out if i was properly aligned over the toilet:

causing me to readjust at the last minute and nearly fall on the floor:

in the end, it all worked out (good luck, i guess?), but the fact that this happened at all is highly suspect (bad luck??).

thoughts?

I'm Lovin' It!

i've come out of hiding for this very important psa: mcdonald's is now serving breakfast all day!

huzzah!!!

Chewbacca

and now for some good luck!

i feel sick. 

A Leak in the System

BAD LUCK! i came home to this:

and this:

and this:

made it obvious who it was. 

like i need more of my stuff to be soaked in urine!

Gone Phishing

did you know that you can buy this hardly used at all range on the internet for next to nothing?

don't worry about it, it's totally not a scam:

don't worry,  i totally didn't almost fall for it, and it wasn't thanks to mara hermana that i have any money left:

and brother-in-law ryguy obviously didn't fall for a different kind of scam on the same day:

because we are good at the interwebs!

May Day! May Day!

imagine how lucky i felt when i got these:

for may day. super clever of the florist to deliver them late so that i wouldn't get them until monday, thus adding to the surprise of may day.

thanks, papa bear!

Burning Down the House

oh hey, i didn't see you there. i've been super busy chasing a fat little baby everywhere. why? because now that he won't stop moving ever:

and this is what our floors look like:

i have to constantly make sure he doesn't die. but don't worry, i have worked out a surefire baby proofing method that will keep the baby safe:

until the house burns down....

But I Won't Do That....

good luck: the turkey meatloaf came out great, and totally cooked through:

bad luck: the meat thermometer didn't fare so well:

good luck: cm got me a new one:

and it's digital!!

Spam Sandwich

one of my favorite authors is now spamming ME:

does that make me some sort of big shot??

Chop Suey

lucky for me, the new knife i bought works really well:

don't worry, i barely managed to avoid going against the manufacturer's cautions:

but in the end i DID avoid it.

Sarah Says: Love Your Mother

this is sarah:

sarah is a totally lovely person, and i am lucky to have her as a friend. however, there is this one thing....sarah is the kind of socially responsible person who has a higher degree in do-gooding:

and because of that, just looking at her stupid, adorable face is forcing me to be a good environmental citizen. so...no more delicious, unsustainable tuna:

but good news! it turns out canned salmon actually works out great AND is relatively sustainable:

we did it!

Behind in the Polls

super bad luck. it turns out that i have this luck counter on my blog:

and it's severely outdated:

this means that i either have to manually update it, take it down, or outsource it to someone who is not-me. shall we take a vote?

yes, yes we shall. cast away!

Good and Bad Luck Texas

well, we did it, we high tailed it out of new york and made our way to austin:

no more winter:

no more being packed into the subway:

no more endless staircases when stupid elevators are out of order:

but on the other hand....no more hobnobbing with my famous peeps:

no more walking around all of the time and making money off of it:

and no more friends:

i guess it is now time to begin the campaign to move everyone* to austin!


*everyone i like. many people will tell you that the campaign to move everyone in the world to austin is well underway.