USA? Not today!

usa is marathonning ncis instead of law & order svu:

but, tvland is playing a golden girls marathon:

it all evens out in the end!

The Yellow Brick Road

omGOD! the best luck ever! my hotel is less than a five minute walk from little caesar's:

AND there's a law & order svu marathon on:

my life is perfect!

Unclean! Unclean!

bad luck, c.b. has pink eye:

but lucky me, i have yet to catch it:

to make sure my good luck holds out, i'm catching the first flight out tomorrow morning to stay the hell away from this pink eye business. let's hope that the other passengers on the plane are as lucky as i am!

We Literally Couldn't Know!

bad luck. someone put almost 400 toostie rolls in my desk and now i'm sick from eating them all:

happy weekending!

Despite All the Rage?

today's rats are very lucky. after years of lobbying and backsewer abortions that have led many a female rat into the very lap of disease and death:

they are finally getting the birth control that they need to control their own family planning:

and female rat rights are finally taking off:

yeah!

Whatever it is I think I see...

great luck today! i came into my office to find this:

 true, i bought them and knew they were coming, but i ordered them LAST NIGHT. at like, 10 pm! and they're already here! clearly god wants me to have tooth decay:

 
also, i've already consumed literally 15 of these (i seriously JUST opened the package about two minutes ago. i'd eat faster but my fat little fingers have to do so much unwrapping!) i'm well on my way to feeling sick!

The Original Party Worm

good luck! i left slurms mckenzie alone for three minutes (really 3.5 minutes) while i went to get the laundry, and she didn't do anything bad!

  considering this weekend's (supervised) vomit incident:

 
 i couldn't be happier. well, i mean, without giving both dogs away, that is....

Ride, Sally, Ride

i flew into california for work last night, and i went to pick up my mid-sized sedan rental car. since i'm baller, i get to skip the line and pick up whatever car the glowy billboard tells me to get:

i went to my stall, and....

seriously? a muscle car*, hertz? i double-checked and billboard had spoken, so i took it, and made my way to my shared housing unit. when i got there, my roommate was already sleeping:

with her door open:

and she was a man:

now, i wouldn't think i'd be so prudish. i mean, i use the ally mcbeal unisex bathroom at work all the time without blinking:

but for some reason, this really freaked me out. i had a terrible night's sleep and switched abodes in the morning. but good luck came out of all this: now i have a two bedroom all to myself!

*Is it good or bad luck to get a muscle rental car?

Redemption

when my sister went to college, she was bequeathed one of our parents' old computers. when i went to college, my parents were kind enough to buy me a brand new computer:

yes, that's right. an emachine. you probably don't recognize the name because this was the crappiest computer ever. seriously, it stopped working after 3 weeks. 3 weeks! i don't remember what i used after that point, but we can assume that it was because of that shitty computer i was eventually forced to drop out of college:

since i'm old, that was quite some time ago....13 years to be exact. that emachine--had it not died--would be ready for his bar mitzvah:

but, since he did kick the bucket, so to speak, i have quietly (loudly) put him out of my mind. imagine my surprise, then, when i received this notice in the mail:

finally! someone--other than me is acknowledging my pain! this is great luck.  i deserve this. and now i have the proof. booyah!