Roach motel

this was a luck so horrifying that it took me months to report it:

here goes....

it was a dark and...normal night:

cabana baby woke me up, demanding sustenance:

so i went to fix him a bottle. and that's when i saw it...


...the world's biggest mother flippin' cockroach:

and he. was. PISSED that i crashed what i can only imagine was his own personal speakeasy:

anyway, i got cabana man involved, but the critter was so quick! we couldn't get him. it was TRAGIC. but there's a little good to it, as well... kenzie's proclivity toward eating all of the things finally came in handy:

Ok, Cupid!

i've been feeling sorta bummed about my lack of fame lately. but then i got an obviously clairvoyant email telling me that greater happiness was just around the corner:

i'm so excited! i'm going to be so much happier! AND meet new awesome people*:

i thought things couldn't get better, but then i got this super personal email:

i can meet cool men AND asian beauties? my happiness scale is about to get higher than okcupid could ever imagine. 

we did it?!

*given the facts outlined in these emails, i'm sure cabana man will understand....

Mystery Post

bonus post! i need help figuring out how to categorize this one....

today, i really had to pee, but i was SO TIRED that when i went to sit down, i panicked and couldn't figure out if i was properly aligned over the toilet:

causing me to readjust at the last minute and nearly fall on the floor:

in the end, it all worked out (good luck, i guess?), but the fact that this happened at all is highly suspect (bad luck??).

thoughts?

I'm Lovin' It!

i've come out of hiding for this very important psa: mcdonald's is now serving breakfast all day!

huzzah!!!

Chewbacca

and now for some good luck!

i feel sick. 

A Leak in the System

BAD LUCK! i came home to this:

and this:

and this:

made it obvious who it was. 

like i need more of my stuff to be soaked in urine!

Gone Phishing

did you know that you can buy this hardly used at all range on the internet for next to nothing?

don't worry about it, it's totally not a scam:

don't worry,  i totally didn't almost fall for it, and it wasn't thanks to mara hermana that i have any money left:

and brother-in-law ryguy obviously didn't fall for a different kind of scam on the same day:

because we are good at the interwebs!