Monday, January 28, 2013

Proof That Dad Hates Me

the other day, the unluckiest thing that's ever happened to anyone sent me into a pretty severe panic spiral:

yes, that's right, i had a voicemail from my grandmother. which could only mean one thing: someone gave her my phone number. you may think i'm a horrible person for avoiding my own grandma, but you'll just have to trust me on this one. she says things like:

so, yeah, i didn't want my self-esteem to drop any further for the time being. i was so upset, i had to sniff out the source of my unhappiness. at first, i accused my sister:

but she seemed so confused that i decided she must be innocent. and--to be fair--my sister has spent many years of her life talking to grandma just so that i don't have to. it's seriously the most selfless sacrifice i have ever heard of.

next, i blamed my father:

and do you know what he said? this:

he was totally scammed by his own mother! i had managed to keep my phone number from her from years, but suddenly--thanks to dad--all of that hard work was down the drain. even worse, she sounded SO HAPPY on her message that i had to call her back. i braced myself and picked up the phone. i dialed her number...

and she didn't answer! i get the credit of calling without having to talk to her! yeah!


  1. that is the saddest story i've ever heard twice, coupled with the best drawing i've ever seen of my hair.

  2. mara - even without knowing the reference of you in that photo - I would still know it was you.


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